5 things for now and for forever
I figured I might actually use tumblr to write things and not reblog things that only capture images of what I want to be. Here are five things on my mind that I hope I can look back on a year later and still believe.
1. Life keeps moving forward… Even if you aren’t performing well in school, don’t have a boyfriend, or even if someone close to you falls ill or even passes away. The last one may be insensitive but civilization has moved on thousands of years with people dying every single day.
2. With that being said, I’m finding it harder and harder to realize what I even want to do with this life. Things change so much in a year and sometimes they’re for the better even though they weren’t in your plans at all.. So maybe I should stop making plans and just live out a life I don’t want to regret. Weirdly enough last year I thought I neglected my studies too much and that’s why I had bad grades. This year I changed my ways and my GPA is still not high. Surprisingly I’m not disappointed in myself, because being the only person who actually knows what I’m doing or thinking at all times of the day, I believe that I tried and that I improved despite some numbers telling me I didn’t.
3. Perhaps having faith in a greater future is what keeps me going.. That God has greater plans for me that I just don’t know about. In the words of Jamie Sullivan in A Walk to Remember, “I don’t want a reason to be angry with God.” I once read a study about how those who envision a worse future live longer, but I really don’t think I’d want to live my life that way. I believe in a merciful God who shows me that everything happens for a reason, that even if I’m going through tough times, He feels that I belong there because I’m strong enough to handle those times. They’re not “worse” than other times I have experienced.
4. All those times of neglecting my health is probably going to take a toll on me in the future so I should actually try to take care of myself. Physical health could be the solution to so many of my current problems and insecurities and moods and I might not even know it.
5. Something I realized with my dad being in the hospital is that despite having horrible Father’s Days in the past, nothing will make me experience regret for them now. Those times are gone and regretting is useless. They can’t restore my dad’s health. Of course I would do things differently but now I have these moments to do things better.