Why I’m dropping my Stats minor and why it even matters to talk about it

I’m guessing most people wouldn’t care about something like this but it’s taking me some courage to actually drop my Statistics minor that I haven’t really started but declared earlier this year.

So many other math majors at UCLA add on things like Stats minors or Specializations in Computing to boost their resumes. Even when I was introducing myself to people, I loved the looks on their faces when I said I was a math major with a stats minor. But that isn’t a representation of me, my interests, or my aspirations at all.

Over the summer my father passed away and I had an amazing job working with incoming students at UCLA. I loved looking at the lists of courses they could be taking and wished I was taking them, and kind of resented the fact that I had a minor that I had to finish. I realized that no one forced me to declare the minor and it was actually me all along that enjoyed the attention and almost even the prestige that it gave me.

I’m someone who loves the humanities and social sciences. I love learning history and being whisked away into another world when I learn more about a civilization. I like reading literature and opening my mind to the intricate details of a fictional figure’s life, and imagining how someone would have told my story had they been the one writing my story. I love writing in my journal every day because in a way it combines my interests in history and writing and reading.

If I want to change the world I don’t have to wait until I have a fat paycheck to quickly donate to a charity of my choice. I want to be there in action and to watch people’s lives change.

Dropping my minor makes me feel like I’m empowered to think on my own and not feel like a robot who hides her true interests just to progress in her career.

What is health.

I don’t know if it’s because tumblr folks are just young but I’m trying to find a medical health blog and all ppl have are pictures of salads and Nikes and 6-packs. I feel like health is so much more than just developing an image… It’s about staying alive as much as possible.

Well I’m down for all of the above except for swimming in the ocean.

Well I’m down for all of the above except for swimming in the ocean.

(via mindy-fit)

Day 5

It’s day 5 at the hospital with my dad and things are going okay I guess. I don’t know if it’s just an introverted thing that I don’t like being around too many people or plain rude if I don’t appear to be happy to deal with so many loud family members. Yes I do know you care but perhaps you don’t know what is best for him at the moment; that’s why he’s at the hospital for crying out loud..

An aunt confessed to me that she sought counseling last night and I also confessed I went to see the one at my university before school let out. We both agreed that counseling didn’t do much to help us with our case, it just made us more aware that all of the feelings we are going through are normal. I suppose that is better than being in a very serious mental condition. I think right now what is best is to stay strong for my dad, my mom, and the rest of my family.

The weird thing is that the hospital where my father is staying is about a block from my university. Every other evening I take a walk there and sit in silence and feel the wind, as being in the hospital can be suffocating at times. It’s odd to me that just a week ago this school was where I was so concerned about another life - the future that includes my career and romantic life. And now it’s just the place I can see from my dad’s hospital room. And in two weeks it’s where I’ll be living as I return to campus for my job.

Well my mom wants to leave now, so I guess I’ll call it a night.

5 things for now and for forever

I figured I might actually use tumblr to write things and not reblog things that only capture images of what I want to be. Here are five things on my mind that I hope I can look back on a year later and still believe.

1. Life keeps moving forward… Even if you aren’t performing well in school, don’t have a boyfriend, or even if someone close to you falls ill or even passes away. The last one may be insensitive but civilization has moved on thousands of years with people dying every single day.

2. With that being said, I’m finding it harder and harder to realize what I even want to do with this life. Things change so much in a year and sometimes they’re for the better even though they weren’t in your plans at all.. So maybe I should stop making plans and just live out a life I don’t want to regret. Weirdly enough last year I thought I neglected my studies too much and that’s why I had bad grades. This year I changed my ways and my GPA is still not high. Surprisingly I’m not disappointed in myself, because being the only person who actually knows what I’m doing or thinking at all times of the day, I believe that I tried and that I improved despite some numbers telling me I didn’t.

3. Perhaps having faith in a greater future is what keeps me going.. That God has greater plans for me that I just don’t know about. In the words of Jamie Sullivan in A Walk to Remember, “I don’t want a reason to be angry with God.” I once read a study about how those who envision a worse future live longer, but I really don’t think I’d want to live my life that way. I believe in a merciful God who shows me that everything happens for a reason, that even if I’m going through tough times, He feels that I belong there because I’m strong enough to handle those times. They’re not “worse” than other times I have experienced.

4. All those times of neglecting my health is probably going to take a toll on me in the future so I should actually try to take care of myself. Physical health could be the solution to so many of my current problems and insecurities and moods and I might not even know it.

5. Something I realized with my dad being in the hospital is that despite having horrible Father’s Days in the past, nothing will make me experience regret for them now. Those times are gone and regretting is useless. They can’t restore my dad’s health. Of course I would do things differently but now I have these moments to do things better.

xstunnerx:

when you get over your asshole crush

Yaaaas

(Source: jahmyaa)

"What if the cure for cancer is trapped inside the mind of someone who can’t afford an education?"

(Source: alyssaruns)

"You have brains in your head. Your feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose."

(Source: life-itself-is-a-quotation)